Tony Webster and his clique first met Adrian Finn at school. Sex-hungry and book-hungry, they navigated the girl drought of gawky adolescence together, trading in affectations, in-jokes, rumour and wit. Maybe Adrian was a little more serious than the others, certainly more intelligent, but they swore to stay friends forever. Until Adrian's life took a turn into tragedy, and all of them, especially Tony, moved on and did their best to forget.
Now Tony is in middle age. He's had a career and a marriage, a calm divorce. He gets along nicely, he thinks, with his one child, a daughter, and even with his ex-wife. He's certainly never tried to hurt anybody. Memory, though, is imperfect. It can always throw up surprises, as a lawyer's letter is about to prove. The unexpected bequest conveyed by that letter leads Tony on a dogged search through a past suddenly turned murky. And how do you carry on, contentedly, when events conspire to upset all your vaunted truths?
Anthony Webster and his friends want to revolutionize the world. They are young and impetuous. They make the acquaintance of Adrian that fascinated them by his thoughts and knowledge. Arrived at the university, Tony meets Veronica, his first love. Naturally, he presents her to his clique. The relationship withers and Tony move on. Yet one day, Adrian taught him by letter, its rapprochement with Veronica. Some time later, the suicide of Adrian is announced... Forty years later, another letter will reachTony and oblige him to relive his memories and his youth with a look of an older adults.
I finished this book feeling that I had the privilege of listening to Tony Webster told me his private life. I was charmed by his humor, the quality of his thoughts and his questionning. This book makes me take a introspection trip in myself after closing the last pages. I could not stop trying to answer the questions being raised during my reading. It's not just a story, read this book was a work of the mind.
I was hanging on the every words of Julian Barnes in the two parts of this very short story of 150 pages.
In the early years of Tony, one discovers his friends and his fascination with Adrian. I've read with a smile the passion of the great flights and great thoughts that young people bombard the world around them with the arrogance of their age and the needs of changes that comes before reaching thirty years old. I waited with curiosity to see or the author would lead us ...
Yet it is the sixty years old man, boring and conventional, having done nothing exceptional of his life except living her that touched me the must. I was moved by the emotional modesty with which he revisits some of his memories to the final understanding of his misunderstanding.
I liked the author's reflections on the inadequacy of our memories. The fact that by aging, we remember only what suits us or a part of a watered life we led. Altought is often the case. Who has not idealize a parent after his death or a lover after a long period of separation? While in all honesty, the reality is most of the time less consistent, thrilling than what's our modified memories wanted us to remember. But who would dare to denounce us?
This book made me wonder. At a Crossroads in my own life, this novel came at the right time. What kind of memories would I like to remember looking back to my life in sixty years? Will I have a Veronica who can throw me: "You do not get it, do you? You never did, and never will." Or will I be able to capture all the nuances?
See you in a few decades to find out ...
Sentences
« It strikes me that this may be one of the differences between youth and age: when we are young, we invent different futures for ourselves; when we are old, we invent different pasts for others. »
« But if nostalgia means the powerful recollection of strong emotions – and a regret that such feelings are no longer present in our life – then I plead guilty. »
« Someone once said that his favorite times in history were when things were collapsing, because that mean something new was being born. »
« Sometimes I think the purpose of life is to reconcile us to its eventual loss by wearing us down, by proving, however long it takes, that life isn't all it's cracked up to be. »
« Who said there were no surprises left in life ? »
From Veronica: « You don't get it, do you ? You never did, and never will. »
THE SENSE OF AN ENDING
BY JULIAN BARNES
Traduction de la présentation de l'éditeur américain:
Tony Webster et sa clique rencontre Adrian Finn pour la première fois à l'école. Assoiffés de sexe et de lecture, ils ont navigué, ensemble, dans les eaux troubles de l'adolescence féminine faisant le commerce de minauderies, partageant des blagues, des rumeurs et une finesse d'esprit. Peut-être Adrian était-il un peu plus sérieux que les autres, certainement plus intelligent, mais ils s'étaient jurés de rester amis pour toujours. Jusqu'à ce que la vie d'Adrian prenne un tour tragique, et que chacun d'eux, en particulier Tony, passent à autre chose et fassent de leur mieux pour oublier.
Anthony Webster et son groupe d'amis veulent révolutionner le monde. Ils sont jeunes et impétueux. Ils font la connaissance d'Adrian qui les fascinent par ses pensées et ses connaissances. Arrivés à l'université, Tony rencontre Véronica, son premier amour. Tout naturellement, il la présente à sa clique. La relation s'étiole et Tony passe à autre chose. Pourtant un jour, Adrian lui apprend, par lettre, son rapprochement avec Véronica. Quelques temps plus tard, le suicide d'Adrian est annoncé.. Quarante an plus tard, c'est un nouveau courrier qui va faire basculer Tony dans ses souvenirs et lui faire revivre ses jeunes années avec un regard d'adulte vieillissant.
Impressions:
Je finis ce livre avec le sentiment que j'ai eu le privilège d'écouter Tony Webster me raconter sa vie. J'ai été charmé par son humour, la qualité de ses réflexions et de ses interrogations. Un voyage que celles si vous font mener en vous après avoir été soulevées, posées. Ce n'est pas juste une histoire, lire ce livre est aussi un travail de l'esprit.
Pourtant, c'est le soixantenaire, conventionnel, n'ayant rien fait d'exceptionnel de sa vie à part la vivre qui m'a touché. La pudeur émotionnelle avec laquelle il revisite certains de ses souvenirs jusqu'à la compréhension finale de son incompréhension.
L'envie quasi immédiate de reprendre la lecture pour revoir les détails qui ont pu m'échapper. Comme si le témoin que j'avais été était passé à côté, lui aussi, des indices laissés en route. J'ai aimé les réflexions de l'auteur sur l'inadéquation de nos souvenirs. Le fait qu'en vieillissant, on se remémore uniquement ce qui nous arrange ou une partie édulcoré de la vie que l'on a mené. C'est souvent le cas d'ailleurs. Qui n'a jamais idéaliser un parent après un décès ou un amant après une longue période de séparation ? Alors qu'en toute honnêteté la réalité était beaucoup moins conforme à nos souvenirs modifiés. Mais qui oserait nous dénoncer ?
Ce livre m'a fait m'interroger. A la croisé des chemins dans ma propre vie, il est tombé à pic. Quels sont les souvenirs sur lesquels je voudrais me retourner à soixante ans ? Aurais-je une Véronica qui pourra me renvoyer: « You don't get it, do you ? You never did, and never will. » ou est-ce que j'aurais saisi toutes les nuances ?
Rendez-vous dans quelques décennies pour le savoir...
We live life with the assumption that age and time erode our memories of the past - that pain mitigates, and joy too looses it's ecstasy. If it sounds like a gross generalization, at least this is what I, as a 26 year old, had so long believed. In this poignant and tragic account of a 60 year old looking back at his life - indeed, all the way back to his school days - Julian Barnes (or rather Tony Webster) argues otherwise.
ReplyDeleteReconciled to a lonely life, Tony Webster is past the stage of responsibility; way past. As he waits for the inevitable end to his days - no, it's not an illness, but presumably a state of mind - a letter from a lawyer stirs memories of a long forgotten past; memories even he had thought his mind to be incapable of conjuring. As the events unfold, he is forced to reevaluate his old relationships, reconsider the consequences of his actions, and indeed, re-imagine his past.
The title is apt to the point of being 'philosophically self-evident', for this is a book about a past that is never stagnant, a remorse that is incurable, and a grief that is inconsolable.